By Sarah Wren Robinson, Katie Surkin, and Jorge Sanchez
Love may blossom in DC, but it also likes to die loudly in public. After seeing more breakups than we ever asked for, we’ve noticed some spots on campus are just objectively the wrong setting for heartbreak. So, if your situationship is getting stale, or you just found out your partner’s been “studying” with someone else, follow this guide to the top five worst places to end it all—romantically, of course.
Number 5: Duquès Hall
The third-floor bridge between Duquès and Funger: a place for networking, studying, and, apparently, taking care of a different kind of business. The view of Funger’s concrete walls really sets the tone—bleak and unflattering. Once it’s over, your ex’s only move is to switch seats and cry directly in front of some poor student just trying to study.
Number 4: The Vex
Ah, the Vex: a bus that connects campuses and tears relationships apart. Mostly filled with freshmen, it’s known for long-distance breakup calls; though some happen right in person, giving a live performance. There’s nothing quite like ending things while stuck in traffic, surrounded by people pretending not to listen, and having your recently dumped ex linger for the rest of the ride.
Number 3: The Deli
One of the few decent dining options on campus, the Deli comes with long lines, a bench, and a built-in audience. It’s the perfect spot if you want your partner to be completely humiliated. Hungry afterward? Get in the back of the line to reward yourself with an egg and cheese, while everyone else silently judges you.
Number 2: Captain Cookie
Captain Cookie may be able to save the day with mildly okay cookies and ice cream, but he won’t be able to save your relationship. You may think it’s a good idea to preemptively buy your ex ice cream, but with the bright comic book signs and a group of teenagers in the corner gossiping, it’s bound to make them instantly miserable. And if you grab a double-chunk chocolate cookie, at least you’ll have five Big Booms… more than enough to blow your relationship away.
Honorable Mention: Georgetown Hospital Bathroom
Not technically on campus, but we found it weird enough that we had to include it.
Having a friend admitted to the hospital can either pull people closer together or rip them apart, and in this case, it’s very much the latter. The slightly stale smell, sterile fluorescent lighting, the sound of slamming stalls, and people trying to use a broken soap dispenser; why wouldn’t this be the perfect place to end things? If you’ve ever wanted your breakup to feel medically supervised, this is the spot.
Number 1: Gelbucks
There’s nothing more stressful than going into Gelbucks during the class day, now imagine getting broken up with here. Between the line wrapping all the way to the door, the baristas shouting mobile orders, and multiple people slamming on their keyboards, the whole place is already on the verge of emotional collapse. A breakup here turns into public theater: the hushed argument, the sudden tears, the awkward shuffle out of there. When your ex buys you an apple juice — not out of kindness, but because they clearly think you’re being a baby. There’s honestly no coming back from that.
Enjoy this? Read the Top 5 Spots to Cry on Campus
